Are you unconventional?

The New York Times published an article last month about a New York City socialite (and author) who’d passed away. The article was short but piqued my curiosity. I Googled her name and spent the next hour reading about the life and loves of Leila Hadley Luce. By all accounts she was a highly unconventional woman, full of joie de vivre, independence, and self importance. Leila’s was a life of adventure, travel, self gratification, turmoil, heart ache, and love... however twisted.

What has been written about Leila reveals a complex character, one caught between breaking free from societal expectations (there’s a story about a round-the-world trip she took in 1951 with her toddler son on a schooner with an all-male crew (one of whom she married soon after) and holding steadfastly to status and wealth, at the expense of her self-esteem, dignity, and the welfare of her children (the tales about the mistreatment of her daughters are too distressing to mention).

At first glance, I should have been appalled at Leila’s story. What selfishness, debauchery, greed! But somewhere in the details, a story of fear and strength, love and loneliness emerged. And though shucking tradition with her unusual and unconventional lifestyle may have led to the suffering she experienced later in life, she very well may have considered it a worthy price to pay.

Without condoning the collateral damage that can result from unconventionality, I find myself drawn to stories that stem from it - real or fiction. I count among my favorite novels Daughter of Fortune, Portrait in Sepia (both by Isabel Allende); Beloved, Love (both by Toni Morrison); Their Eyes Were Watching God (Zora Neale Thurston); The House of Mirth (Edith Wharton) – all with female main characters who say to hell with tradition.

It was only when I recommended some books to a friend that I noticed that common theme. Afterwards, I decided to check out some books with strong, perhaps unconventional, male characters. First up, Long Way Gone; then Kite Runner; followed by Song of Solomon and Tar Baby; and last, East of Eden. (Although, I found Cathy Trask to be a more compelling character than Adam. Some things don’t change, I suppose.) The books are now on my favorites list, as is The Alienist. After all, good reading is good reading.

My attraction to strong, unconventional characters goes beyond the pages of a novel, or even a movie screen. Some of my closest friends are unconventional and uncompromising in their quest for the best life. Here are two of whom I am most proud.

Tanya T. (@gyrlxoxo) holds a doctorate degree in Food Science. After graduation, she took a job as Food Science Researcher for an international company, but walked away from it because there was no personal satisfaction, or challenge. During graduate school, when I met her, Tanya had an idea for website dedicated to healthy food reviews, among others (there’s a story there, too). She started it as a blog, even maintaining it during her Ph.D. program and after. Now, five years later, she’s turning a tidy profit, enough to support herself and a small cadre of freelance contributors. Of course, some think she’s nuts for walking away from “corporate America” to be a blogger. But I applaud her guts for taking the unconventional route.

Amy Gregory never went to college. But as she says quite often, “Who caaaares!” She certainly didn’t let it stop her from achieving her dream. Amy is an accomplished writer and published author. Highly successful people around the world pay her to tell their stories (i.e., ghostwrite for them). She’s bright, and shockingly honest; there’s a depth to her that I find difficult to match. And she’s the best friend a girl could have. You’ll have to read her book, Messy Faith, to find out about her unconventional life journey.

There’s also the sister duo Jess and Heather E., Brittany C., Charissa P., Marti J., Mavis B. and Violet L. (I would go into more detail about the greatness of each of these women, but they haven’t given me permission.) But I will say that each of them have a deep-rooted passion for service, either in education, international aid, impoverished communities and/or travel.

Why am I drawn to unconventionality? Perhaps because I also walk an unconventional path. Given my humble beginnings, my unadventurous family and a stifling dose of mediocrity and low expectations from teachers and professors, I somehow managed to carve out an inexplicably fulfilling life.

I ignored the high school guidance counselor who told me I was too poor to get in the college of my choice, and the college professor who told me I wasn’t smart enough to work for the company where I now work, and the cousin who thought I was an idiot for going to graduate school, and the naysayers who think I dream too big.

By not compromising my dreams and being open to an unconventional life, I’ve had some pretty cool experiences and met the most amazing people. From Greenville, South Carolina, to New York City, from Guatemala to Uganda, my path is literally the one less traveled by the folks who tried to shape me, and it has made all the difference.

The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.